I would like to thank the beautiful woman out there who chose to share her testimony on how she is working on forgiving her husband after he cheated on her. Truth is, we hear stories of infidelity all the time, but rarely do people talk about the pains of getting through the emotions of being hurt in such a way.
Beloved, if you are struggling with forgiving your spouse, or anyone for having done you wrong – please find hope in the post below from an anonymous contributor.
“Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself” – Bishop TD Jakes
The statement above resonated with me because forgiveness is something I have struggled with for the better part of the last four years. I have always justified and rationalized it to myself that I had a right to feel the bitterness and resentment I did towards my husband because of what he had done…
That was the biggest load of rubbish I ever allowed the devil to whisper to me. You see rewind to four years ago after I had been married for about 13 months where while having dinner with my husband; the intercom rang. He looked at me and said “Are you expecting someone?” to which I replied no.
He went to the gate and after about 10 minutes of talking to two women I was instructed to stay indoors. So I remember thinking: “God what is going on????”
Anyway I went to our bedroom and started channel hopping and as I started praying; I knew something was wrong and it had to do with my husband. Fast forward to about three hours later, he came and said:
”I need to know that you love me, please tell me you love me?”
My heart sank and I knew that my worst nightmare had come true… I said nothing and asked him NOT TO TOUCH ME…
To cut a very long and complicated story short, my husband – the love of my life had cheated on me with another woman in the year prior to getting married while I was completing my Masters in America.
I was horrified; disgusted; angry all at once. Angry at myself for ever trusting him because not only had he cheated but said the woman had a child to prove it. Unbeknownst to me, my husband had gone for paternity tests and yes it was true that the child was his…
I had always made a vow to myself that should I ever find myself in that situation, I would pack my bags and leave. Mmm easier said than done.
When this happened I was 3 months pregnant with our first child; and I made a decision then that I could not allow myself to feel and deal with the raging emotions because I could lose the child I was carrying. So yes, I shelved the rage and the hatred. I did however go on to cry myself to sleep every night after that for a long time. As I cried out to God, I asked him to just get me through the pregnancy without passing on the negative feelings and emotions I felt about my husband towards my unborn child.
I had never felt so completely betrayed, broken and lonely in my life; because I was too embarrassed to tell my family or my friends about what was really going on. So I suffered in silence. I hated my husband with so much venom that I never knew was possible…
Through all of this I had no desire or interest in communicating with my husband. After the initial conversations where I conveyed how I felt and how he had humiliated me, I was still stuck in limbo because a part of me still loved him but EVERYTHING had changed. I didn’t look at him the same way. In fact, he disgusted me and I wanted to do anything and everything possible to hurt him so he could feel if only a snippet of what I felt.
Things came to a head when I broke down before God and told him I was tired of carrying the weight of hatred and anger that I felt towards my husband.
It was then when I made the decision to forgive him – not for him but for myself. I realized that the only person I was harming in carrying the hatred was myself.
Forgiveness is not a feeling but a conscious decision where you can only do it with God’s help. The truth is sometimes you have to say over and over: I choose to forgive….
You know true healing comes when you are honest with God about your feelings. For years I struggled because I just buried how hurt I really felt and as a result I was constantly angry and sad because I hadn’t allowed God to heal my broken heart.
I have shared this not to air my dirty laundry but to encourage someone who is hurting and struggling to let go of how you have been treated. God loves me and HE loves you and there is nothing more painful than seeing someone go through things and think they are alone.
I am still a work in progress and find just meditating on how much God loves me helps when I have moments where I feel like…God after everything I did for that man and this was the thanks I got.
I have made a decision to not let the devil steal my present and my future by constantly dwelling on what he did because the fact is it’s done – I can’t change it but Lord knows I know that God is continuing to give me beauty for ashes…
My marriage is still very much in ‘rehab’ J I was ready to walk away but for some unknown reason God has not given me the peace and release to walk away. It has only been very recently that I have begun praying for my husband and the marriage itself.
I had wanted the end of this post to be different where I would be sharing how my husband and I are so much in love but I felt like God wanted me to be real and that it was okay to let people know that God is still working on me and the marriage.
Forgiving my husband was an important part of my healing process but the most important person I am now working on is myself – forgiving myself. I say this because I was stuck in a quandary where I was obedient to God and stayed in the marriage, but on the one hand was angry at myself for staying with someone who had cheated on me. As I prayed and processed my feelings one thing that God said to me was: ‘ You are Enough’. This was liberating because at one stage I felt like I was not woman enough and should have done more to ensure this nightmare would never have happened.
I want to encourage anyone struggling to forgive to just go ahead and do it…God loves you and your life will be so much better for it.